I have no talent.
I have nothing to say.
I can’t write.
I’m not cut out for this.
No one cares what I think.
I haven’t accomplished anything worth writing about.
These are just a few of the thoughts running through my head when Melissa suggested that we do this blog. I admit that I have little to no experience with reading blogs, let alone writing one. The little experience that I do have with them is looking up recipes online and trying to get past the annoying blog post about how their grandmother passed this recipe down to them and how much their family loves it when they make it. I would just find the “jump to recipe” button as soon as the page opened up. All I wanted was a good chili recipe, I don’t need to know the name of your dog.
So why are we writing this with little to no writing experience, no blogging experience and a little bit of prejudice (at least in my case) to blogs in general?
The short answer is that we feel it’s what God has called us to do.
Now that may seem grandiose or that we’re trying to be super spiritual and “holier than thou”, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The long answer is that we feel that the Lord has brought us through some experiences and taken us to some places, where the Lord has taught us some things about ourselves and about Him and our relationship with Him, that might be worth sharing with others. Our hope and prayer is that the Lord will speak to others through our little posts.
The truth is we, especially me, have fought this for a while. Like I said before, I didn’t/don’t think that I’m cut out for this. Neither Melissa nor I own a wide-brimmed hat, we don’t have a couple of Corgis running around and we don’t live in a barndominium in Tennessee. We don’t own/run a successful business, we don’t have a fruitful ministry, nor do we have a family farm. From my little experience and observation, I thought those were the prerequisites of starting a blog (and being a female, of course). Who wants to read what some no-wide-brimmed-wearing-hat-dude has to say?
We will sprinkle our history throughout the entries, but here’s a quick rundown: We both went to Calvary Chapel Bible College in Murrieta, CA in 1999 (yes, the nineteen hundreds, before iPhones or Social Media). We met, became friends and started dating in 2000. We got married in November of 2001 and we have 4 kids and 2 cats. We currently live in the great state of Texas, but we have lived in a couple of different places, including: New Jersey, Northern California, Southern California, Colorado and finally, Texas.
While in those different states, I’ve worked a number of different jobs – landscaping, managing a couple of coffeeshops, climbing trees and working for an online bank. There are times that I feel bad/self-conscious about living in so many places and having so many jobs without a “real career”. I hate the fact that we have moved our kids all over the country and they haven’t been able to settle down in one neighborhood, school district or set of friends like Melissa and I did growing up.
But, I realize that our kids’ generation is not the same as ours and that my generation isn’t the same as our parents. My parents worked at the same places, doing the same things, for 30-plus years. Something I couldn’t even think of doing today. They live in the same house for almost as long, and here we are galivanting across the country, living in apartments and rentals, working random jobs and dragging our kids along with us.
I’ve tried the whole career thing – I really tried to stay at the same job (and state) for long periods of time. We really thought that every time we moved somewhere new it was going to be our forever home. But it never was. Even being in Texas now doesn’t mean that we’re going to be here forever.
For whatever reason, the Lord has decided that we need to be nomads for the time being. Yes, it can be frustrating and discouraging, but deep down we know that the Lord has a plan and a purpose in all of this. As of yet we don’t know that is, but we are confident that He will work things out.
To be honest, it’s taken me years to get to this point of trusting the Lord with all this. Even with going to Bible college, even with being on staff at Calvary Chapel Conference Center, even with teaching Church History at the Bible College, and helping plant a church, my faith still wavered and my frustration and doubt grew.
I seemingly had all the requirements to have solid faith and a good relationship with Him but that was not always the case. I was/am self-conscious, self-doubting and quick to look down on myself. I’ve taken some of those traits and character flaws and brought them to my relationship with the Lord.
Looking back, I know the Lord was with us throughout all those moves, and job changes. We didn’t always actively seek Him when we did all those things, but I know we didn’t actively disobey Him either. He’s kept us safe, sane and together throughout all the changes and difficult times and this last and probably greatest trial we have had – my stroke – we have been able to see His hand and His love so clearly, that it’s undeniable that He is with us and He is working.
Sometimes, it feels like He is not there with you, or you made a decision without Him or that He’s done with you because you’ve messed up so many times. Rest assured that He is faithful and loving and that He promised that He will never leave us or forsake us. I still don’t know what the future holds for us, but I know that He is loving, faithful and that He is a good Father who holds the future.
