We are very much in a season of shifting right now. It feels like God is taking every last bit of comfort & familiarity we have cradled this past year and I have such mixed feelings about it. On the one hand it is exciting, because we know it is showing He is working and moving things around, making room for something new – what exactly that is, we don’t know yet. On the other hand, it is exhausting and scary, honestly.
I don’t know what His plan is or where this road is taking us and many times it has felt like a dead-end or we’re about to go straight off a cliff.
This past year has tested my faith and trust in Him in what I felt was like, SAT level. I walked away from Cisco’s stroke with an assurance I have never had before, in His power, provision, grace, and mercy. I no longer question His active involvement in our lives, in fact I am confident in it.
But I am human and it means my faith will momentarily falter and I will find myself starting to question my trust and assurance in Him. Did we hear Him correctly? Are we actually insane?
It’s not that I forget what He’s done before or that He’s come through (eventually) every single time. It’s a question of “But what about THIS time??” that I find myself contemplating. As if there is a limit to the amount of times He will come through. Or hear us. Or provide. Or show us the way. It’s silly, really, but I am finding it much easier to quickly bring those thoughts captive than I ever have before.
The moment we said “yes” to Him, choosing a very unconventional path and decidedly walking down it, things simultaneously began to come together and also fall apart. Cisco was officially laid off from his job at the beginning of June, which means as of yesterday we no longer have health insurance. Kind of a big deal to have in his situation and I’d be lying if I said this didn’t make me just a little nervous. And the owner of the business I work for suddenly sold that business. As of now, it remains to be seen if I’ll be staying there part time like I have been, or if that chapter is officially closing, but either way, it’s be a change we weren’t expecting.
But isn’t that the way He works? I know we like to think that when we say “Yes” to Him it means everything falls perfectly into place, we get supernatural protection from any hardships or trials, and life becomes blessings forevermore.
I was originally going to type here, that the opposite happens. Because from where we sit today, that would appear to be the truth. But I am also strangely confident that, even though it seems like everything is falling apart, I believe that needs to happen before the RIGHT things can fall into place. And while it seems like all supernatural protection has hit the road Jack, because it has literally been one trial after another over here, I know that the minute we say “yes” to God, we become a threat to Satan. Of course he’s going to come after us. In fact, it would be more concerning if he wasn’t. I also know that there is a constant and continuous battle going on that we are largely unaware of. So while the sudden uptick in heat and trials might seem like He has split, I think it’s more of a sign that the opposite is actually true.
And while it seems like our life is currently the opposite of abundant blessings, that is also not true. It can be, if I choose to look at it that way. But I’m also very aware that the walk I took this morning had the most glorious cool breeze that even the hot, July Texas sun couldn’t compete with. Or that we have not gone a day without food, shelter, or electricity, even though our finances are currently in a dumpster fire of a situation. It doesn’t go unnoticed by me, that every time I am feeling the full weight of life and overwhelmed by it all, my cat decides I need the biggest cuddle and he is not normally a big cuddler. I could go on and on – Watching my kids decide to walk with the Lord and be baptized (a blessing I will never recover from), rich fellowship with our church and new friends (something we never again thought was possible for us), watching Him come through at the last minute over and over again.
I am finding, it is all about perspective. We are promised trials just as much as blessings. But you know what? Just like joy and sorrow, good and bad, healing and pain – these also go hand in hand. You can’t experience one without the other. And that, dear friend, is actually beautiful.
If the enemy is lying to you today, if you have stepped out into unknown territory as a “yes” to God and it seems like everything is falling apart and He has abandoned you – I encourage you to shift your perspective, take a step back, and really look at what is happening around you. Is it falling apart or falling into place? Are you abandoned or is the Lord and His army of angels currently fighting an intense battle on your behalf? Is your life void of blessings or are they actually all around you, just blurred by your tears and heartache?
Keep going. Keep seeking. Keep believing. And keep putting on every piece of that armor (literally, every piece, every single morning) because you’re going to need it.
